Positive Parenting Advice, Tips & Reality from Parenting Expert Christie Barnes
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Welcome to Christie’s World – Positive Parenting Tips, Advice, and Realities from the Mother of Triplets Plus One

– December 11, 2010Posted in: Christie Barnes, Hot Topic, Paranoid Parents, Positive Parenting, Slide Show

I thought that worrying was what parents did–and I was the expert worrier. I knew every possible danger and the best fix for it for my triplets plus one. I even had a bumper sticker made up: Paranoid Parent On Board. I was a paranoid parent and proud of it and most of my friends were too.

One day, I took a short cut home from my kids nursery school. It was a mountain road in Colorado and suddenly the kids and I were surrounded by a biker gang. The biker gang was shouting, waiving and freaking out. Boy, were the kids and I scared! The leader of the pack insisted I roll down my window. I did, I opened it just a crack.

“We love your bumper sticker” More hoots! “Our parents were paranoid parents. They worried about everything. We couldn’t stand it. Look at us now. We love that bumper sticker”……they circled us again and then drove off waiving and smiling.

Wow. Was I creating future members of Hell’s Angels or alternatively little timid wimps unable to negotiate the world without ‘know-it-all’ mommy.

I did ‘impose’ my danger fixes on my kids which meant I was pointing out child dangers (ie stressing about just about everything) and offering them advice (ie nagging them constantly). So I researched to find out what the dangers and trials that were really likely to confront my kids.

I have lived the life of many ‘average’ parents: London mum, Beverly Hills housewife, New York City mother, and Denver soccer mom. I was raised in Sioux City, Iowa, a town of about 120,000–pretty much identical to White Plains, New York or Silverdale, Washington. I went to a ‘Seven Sister’s School’ (women’s Ivy League) Mount Holyoke College. Then I went to do grad work at Oxford in England, got a directing apprenticeship at the Royal Shakespeare Company.

I went back and commuted from Brooklyn to New York City (Association for the Help of Retarded Children). Then back to London where I met my future husband playwright and film/TV writer Peter Barnes, with many Oscar and Emmy nominations and awards. Theatre “Luvvie” mom; part-time Beverly Hills mom. Then Peter died and I moved the kids to Colorado because it is a really cool place with great schools. So now suburban Denver mom, widow, triplets aged 8, tween daughter aged ten, with two dogs.

HCI, the wonderful Chicken Soup for the Soul publishers, spotted my website and asked me to write The Paranoid Parents Guide which just came out and garnering more national and international attention than I could have dreamed from the Sunday New York Times to ABC News Now. I had a real store which is now online at Amazon with products that I have created and the products with the best consumer safety record. Whatever it takes to worry less and stress less.

After the heavy research for the book, I learned that I, and most of my friends, were worried about the wrong things and missing the right things to worry about. Life is so much better now. Child safety and child dangers are important to know but need the facts to be put into perspective.

I don’t say “Never worry,” but instead, be concerned and learn what is likely to confront your child and deal with it as best as possible. Parent from Facts not Fear.

So I am an average mom, but occasionally the old life sneaks in and we are off to Hollywood (I see Harrison Ford supposedly on Monday…) Join me for tips, tricks, and learn the facts of what really will happen to your child. The most frightening dangers are not the same thing as the most likely dangers.

And sign-up for the newsletter and you too can win a Paranoid Parent On Board bumper sticker.

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New Year’s Resolutions: Dumb Things Parents Need to Stop Doing

– December 31, 2011Posted in: Christie Barnes, Hot Topic, New Year's Resolutions: Dumb Things Parents Do, Positive Parenting, Slide Show

We parents are super smart these days. With endless information available to us on the web, we are probably the best informed parents of all time. Or we should be. Unfortunately, we as people still listen to famous people who ‘talk loudly’ and we believe them even when they are obviously wrong. We are victim of loving our kids so much that irrationally we fear everything wanting to keep them safe. So what are the top ten behaviors we parents need to revise in this New Year. As author of THE PARANOID PARENTS GUIDE, I base all suggestions on the latest government and expert studies.

We launch our series New Year’s Resolutions: Dumb Things Parents Need to Stop Doing with Resolution 1–Stop MMR parties.

Stop the MMR parties to expose your kids to mumps, measles and rubella. These are lethal or permanently damaging diseases that are prevented by vaccination. MMR has no connection to autism. Following a pretty celebrity’s opinion over the world’s experts sounds crazy but that is how fads work. It is just a shame that it will mean the deaths and injury of so many. The doctor with the MMR and Autism findings was bribed to falsify the findings. Why do we believe one, now proven fraudulent report, versus thousands of sound studies.

Human survival programmed us to follow smart, attractive leaders. It worked for the cavemen. But we need to move on. The leaders now are often celebrities famous for being famous not the great thinkers who were our tribal leaders.

Unborn babies in the womb, dads, the elderly, small children, those with arthritis or MS are all particularly vulnerable to these diseases so it isn’t just about having your child catch these to build up an immunity. We are seeing mini-epidemics.

This is a dumb idea that you need to get rid of. The doctor who lied to you admitted it, has lost his medical license and is in prison. And you are risking your whole family and the community by not getting your child vaccinated. Dumb.

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Child role models with work ethics, generosity, self-reliance …Brace yourself…Pageant girls….

– November 15, 2011Posted in: Hot Topic, Positive Parenting, Slide Show

I think we may be looking in the wrong places for kids with a work ethic, manners, realistic self-esteem, responsibility for their own destiny, feeling for others, generosity…..PAGEANTS….

We think Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, church youth groups, sports, Junior Achievement and 4H all inspire leadership, self-control, and values. And they do. Children can have amazing experiences. As author of The Paranoid Parents Guide, I am always on the look-out for activities that will prepare my kids to be great adults. So I was shocked by what happened this weekend.
I found pageants foster self-esteem, social and life skills for girls completely contrary to the negative stereotypes.

I was dreading my Saturday to be spent at a PAGEANT! My little daughter had seen Toddlers and Tiaras on television, and Little Miss Sunshine and she wanted to try a pageant. She has been suffering a crisis of confidence in school with her triplet brothers suddenly getting recognition as total brainiac geniuses, from her point of view. And with girls entering the Queen Bee phase of extreme appearance bullying. My gentle girl was losing the self-esteem battle. So I gave in and said she could do a pageant.

This was a natural pagaent, Our Little Miss Colorado, the state championships. Now I know reality shows play to the drama. I know many ‘reality’ shows are cast off Casting Frontier, an online casting service for professional actors. My older daughter, an actress, got a callback to play a ‘real girl’ being ‘surprised’ by her favorite star—which was going to be shown as if it were a real girl and a real surprise.

But my bad pre-conceptions about pageants were shattered. The moms were brilliant: they were smart; they made sure my kids were on schedule; they lent us hair ties, pins, needles and thread. The moms were there helping their girl, and that made the girls so proud and happy to get that support, attention and quality time from their moms.

The girls were role models: they were smart; they were generous; they were realistic about their chances; they socialized; they were genuinely interested in others; they filled their time. I never heard complaining over the long waits. I didn’t hear one single whine all day!

I think where other activities miss out is that so often adults take over. I have seen sports, scouts and organized activities where dads and moms don’t give over the leadership to the children. It is all about teaching skills and not about relying on the kids to work out solutions. “Here is how you build a fire. Now do as I showed you,” not “Older boys show the younger,” or “How would you build a fire?” In some clubs, the kid who wins is the one whose dad build the best pinewood derby car.

In natural pageants, the girls can win by being well-mannered, well-spoken, smart, and kind. They are watched the moment they get into the venue. They are interviewed; they have to play with the other girls; they have to show compassion and feeling in action and in speaking. Many people think “How phony! I want my kids to be themselves.” Yes, but these girls were being themselves and being able to talk to and get along with grown-ups and kids.

We helicopter parents need to stand back, support our kids but let them take the spotlight for themselves.

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